


A Royal Bill of Goods

by Venivincere



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 17:14:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2858651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venivincere/pseuds/Venivincere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How many times do we have to tell you? The wasabi was an accident!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Royal Bill of Goods

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sarahofcroydon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahofcroydon/gifts).



> Written for 2007 Santa_Smex. Sarahofcroydon, I don't think it was quite what you asked for but I hope you find it palatable all the same. Happy Smexing! To my incredible beta Pixxers, your suggestions saved this fic from being a huge embarrassment. I love you forever. Thank you so much for your help!
> 
> Reposted on January 10, 2008 to Skyehawke here: http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=16796

"Atobe Sporting Goods, Kikumaru Eiji speaking, may I help you?" Eiji sat on the edge of his chair, bouncing his leg. "Yes, sir. I think you're talking about our Royal line of racquets. Is there any particular model you're looking for?"  
  
 _Oh, not again. I'll never get a chance to ask him out._  From the water cooler, Oishi watched Eiji twirl a finger in his hair for about five seconds before a raging erection threatened to drill a hole through his Y-fronts. He buttoned his suit coat. Again.  
  
"You need 100 of them?" said Eiji, voice cool but eyes wide, madly gesticulating for Oishi to come over.  
  
"One  _hundred_?" whispered Oishi, quietly high-fiving Eiji. "Yes! That's better than Gakuto's volleyball deal last month!"  
  
Eiji waved him silent. "Of course, sir." He scribbled on a notepad. "No problem at all." Oishi leaned over Eiji's shoulder.  _Get Tezuka._  
  
Eiji went for the drawer in front of Oishi and Oishi didn't step back fast enough to avoid Eiji's elbow in his groin. Eiji whipped around and stared point blank at the bulge pushing out the front of Oishi's coat, and grinned. He scribbled something else on the pad,  _Niiiiiiiice, Oishi!_ , winked, and flashed a V with his free hand. "We can ship them as soon as we establish your account." he said, pulling his calculator out of the drawer. "Ballpark, we're looking at just over a million yen. School name?"  
  
Oishi didn't even bother trying to will his erection away as he wound his way through the desks on the sales floor. It was a futile effort; it never worked. Eventually, he found Tezuka in the conference room. "Eiji's made another sale."  
  
"How many this time?"  
  
"One hundred Royals. To an elite school."  
  
Tezuka raised half an eyebrow. "So he's managed to out-do Gakuto."  
  
"He's establishing the account right now and wants you to go over and vet it right away."  
  
Tezuka looked at the clock.  
  
"Uh... Tezuka, if we hurry, we can get the sale completed before the close of business."  
  
Tezuka gave him a long look. "So it will count toward this month's sales." He sighed. "How long do you two intend to battle Oshitari and Gakuto?"  
  
 _Throwing the gauntlet down early, I see._ Oishi frowned. "Until they apologize for the Wasabi Incident."  
  
Tezuka turned an interesting shade of pink and the corner of his mouth lifted. " _Still?_ "  
  
Oishi held up his hand. "It'll be OK, really, Tezuka, but Eiji hasn't worked through it yet. I don't think I should try to persuade him again to drop it..." he looked at the floor and scratched the back of his head. Maybe a blowjob in the men's really  _hadn't_ been the best deterrent, even though when they emerged from the stall, they found Tezuka staring at them in utter horror. Even after Tezuka assigned them twenty hours apiece on the Problem Hotline Eiji still recalled it as the best head he'd ever had. As far as Oishi was concerned, he gave up trying to get the stains out his trouser knees ages ago.  
  
"Ah. So." Tezuka turned purple and made a beeline for the door.  
  
 _Crap_ , thought Oishi. He wondered if they'd be getting more Hotline time and if they did, if he'd ever get a chance to ask Eiji out for drinks.  
  
.::-~-~-~-~-~.~.~'::'~.~.~-~-~-~-~-::.  
  
"So, Eiji, how about we go out for --"  
  
"YES!" Eiji jumped on Oishi's back and wrapped his legs around Oishi's waist. Oishi's cock rose to greet them. "Yes! We did it!" He thrust the memo in front of Oishi's eyes and held it there. Sales figures for the month by team waved around in front of him, and Oishi and Eiji were at the top of the list.  
  
"Eiji! That's wonderful! We should go out and --"  
  
"HA!" said Eiji, sliding off Oishi and pointing at Gakuto, who was pouting at his memo. "Once again, Gakuto, we beat you. You may wrap our dust in nori and rice and dine on it."  
  
"Eiji!" said Oishi, appalled. "Oshitari -- Gakuto -- I apologize for --"  
  
"Save it, Oishi," said Oshitari. "Kikumaru, how many times do we have to tell you, the wasabi was an  _accident_.  
  
"Come on, Yuushi," said Gakuto, "Let's go get tea before the meeting. He'll never listen. Besides,  _I_  think they set it up themselves, anyway. It's not our fault they got punished for it." As they walked away, he said "Oishi, you're just as glad as Eiji that you beat us again, so you don't have a leg to stand on."  
  
Oishi sputtered and made off after them, but Eiji grabbed his arm and spun him around the other direction.  
  
"Accident, my foot. They planned it. Come on, Oishi. Let's go and celebrate."  
  
"But -- they were --"  
  
"Yes, they were, Oishi, but I need you."  
  
Oishi pulled himself out of it and focused on Eiji.  
  
Eiji lowered his voice. "You deserve a reward.  _We_  deserve one." Eiji slipped his hand out of his pocket; it was cupped around a familiar little bottle.  
  
Oishi stared and his mouth fell open.  
  
"I think the conference room is free right now," said Eiji, grabbing Oishi's wrist and leading him off the sales floor.  
  
"Eiji!" said Oishi, when Eiji shut the door behind them and switched off the light. "You really think it'll be OK here?" Not that anything south of his brain was objecting, or anything.  
  
Eiji whipped off Oishi's tie and started on his buttons. "We've got fifteen minutes. That's more than enough time. He grinned; the light from the transom gleamed in his teeth. "Oishi, you know what victory does to me."  
  
Oishi felt his face flush and his cock swell to painful hardness, and was glad of the dark. As he fumbled with Eiji's belt he worried that he'd likely spend the rest of his life having his better sensibilities betrayed by his penis.  _Oh--_  "Eiiiiiiiji!"  
  
"You like that?" Eiji murmured into his neck.  
  
"Aah." He leaned back on the conference table, kicked his pants off his left leg and swung it up over Eiji's shoulder. Eiji thrust into the crux of Oishi's legs but bounced right back.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry, Oishi. You're so tight today! Relax! Where's that --" Eiji squatted down and felt around his pocket for more lube. "Here we go, let's try again."  
  
"Ohhhh. Eiji... Eiji!" Oishi lay all the way back on the table and didn't bother kicking off the trousers before wrapping his right leg around Eiji's waist, pulling him all the way in. Eiji gasped.  
  
"You OK?"  
  
"Ahhh, I'm fine. Just don't move. Please, Oishi," Eiji gasped.  
  
"I won't."  
  
Oishi stilled, and for a long minute heard nothing but their breathing, a gasping counterpoint to the quiet. Until the talking in the hallway. "We've had an increase in sales of 15.8% this month, with --"  
  
Oishi jerked up onto his elbows. "What's that?"  
  
"I believe our recent success has a great deal to do with the intense rivalry between the sales teams. The bonus system seems to be working well."  
  
"Oh, shit," said Eiji, tensing, gripping Oishi's hips hard.  
  
Oishi sat up a little further and just had time to whisper "Eiji,  _did you lock the door?_ " before the latch clicked open.  
  
"Oishi, you  _moved_ ," said Eiji. "I told you not to move!"  
  
"I think we can credit the Wasabi Incident just as much for --" the door swung wide and the lights went on "-- the recent... grand slam... ohgod..."  
  
Eiji thrust twice hard, hugged Oishi's leg to his chest and came, which never before failed to set Oishi off without a touch and didn't fail now. Oishi shot a terrified look at the door and clapped his hands over his groin just in time to splash his release against his palms. It made Oishi shiver, over-sensitive now, but given their sudden audience, it was a damned sight better than shooting all over Eiji's waistcoat.. A lifetime later, he heaved and shuddered to a stop.  _This is it. My life is over._  
  
Tezuka squeaked.  
  
"Hmm," said Inui, pushing his glasses up his nose. "The chance that I would see  _that_  in my lifetime was only 0.002%." He cleared his throat. "Perhaps I miscalculated?"  
  
"No," said Tezuka tightly, "you just don't make it up to the sales floor very often.  
  
.::-~-~-~-~-~.~.~'::'~.~.~-~-~-~-~-::.  
  
"One hundred hours on the Problem Hotline," said Tezuka, face a violent shade of sunset. A vein bulged in his forehead. "Each."  
  
"But Tez --"  
  
"Two hundred, and if you object again I'll tell Atobe."  
  
"Bu-" Oishi put his hand over Eiji's mouth. "Mfnmfnmnnn..."  
  
"Eiji, shush. We're lucky we still have jobs," he said, guiding Eiji out the door.  
  
.::-~-~-~-~-~.~.~'::'~.~.~-~-~-~-~-::.  
  
"Eiji," said Oishi, turning to his partner, "how about we go out for drinks -- oh. You're--"  
  
"AtobeSportingGoodsKikumaruEijispeakingmayIhelpyou." Eiji slumped behind his desk, cheek to palm, phone dangling from his fingers somewhere in the vicinity of his ear.  
  
 _Oh, dear,_  though Oishi,  _I hate it when Eiji's morale is low. Especially since everyone else's has been so high, lately. I wonder if I should bring out the big guns?_  Oishi considered the options.  _On the one hand, if we get caught, our sales are shot this month, anyway. On the other, we're losing to Oshitari, and that must not happen! Must not! But... Tezuka, dead of apoplexy. Atobe. Tezuka. Joblessness. Tezuka.  
  
Crap._  
  
Oishi excused himself and found Tezuka in his office. "Isn't there  _anything_  we can do to get more sales this month?"  
  
"I can't possibly see how."  
  
"Any way at all that we can turn this to our advantage?"  
  
"I really don't think so."  
  
Ah. Well. Time to play the dirty card, then. "It's like Regionals the year Echizen came. Losing to Hyotei." He tried his best to appear tragically downcast and didn't dare look Tezuka in the eye.  
  
"Oishi."  
  
Damn. Well, he tried. He looked up to find Tezuka staring at him.  
  
"I'll see what I can do."  
  
"Y-yes! Thank you!" As Oishi turned to leave, Tezuka picked up the phone and dialed.  
  
.::-~-~-~-~-~.~.~'::'~.~.~-~-~-~-~-::.  
  
Excusing himself all the way to the back of the conference room where Eiji was sitting without the use of too many elbows, (or toes -- Jiroh lay passed out on the floor again) Oishi got a warm smile and a hand on his thigh when he sat down beside Eiji.   
  
Atobe sashayed into the room with Kabaji right behind and held a finger up. Talking stopped.  
  
"In order to celebrate last month's extraordinary sales, I'm having another party this weekend."  
  
Some eyes got wide as saucers. Others rolled, but not where Atobe could see them.  
  
"You're all invited. As usual, I expect you will all be awed by my party-hosting prowess, right Kabaji?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Please see Kabaji for your assigned parking spots on your way out the door. I hope to see the Atobe lots filled. Oh, and one more thing. Anyone getting caught putting jello in the pool again will suffer my wrath. At length. Any questions?"  
  
"What about wasabi in the --''  
  
"Kikumaru-kun,  _please_  keep your personal problems to yourself," said Atobe, sweeping out of the room with Kabaji in tow.  
  
"Hey!" said Eiji, elbowing Oishi in the ribs on his way to be first out the door after Atobe.  
  
Oishi's face burned. He waited to leave until the last people were filed out the door and past Kabaji. Tezuka stopped him.  
  
"Here's your opportunity. If you can't win in sales..."  
  
Oishi thought about that for all of three seconds and the beginnings of a plan began to take shape. His face began to burn again, but this time from mortification.  
  
"Don't get careless. And for God's sake -- no, for  _my_  sake -- don't get caught."  
  
.::-~-~-~-~-~.~.~'::'~.~.~-~-~-~-~-::.  
  
"Oishi, where on earth did you get all that jello?" asked Eiji the following Monday as they were making out in the elevator.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"On second thought, I don't want to know. But how'd you pin it on Gakuto?"  
  
"I slipped Kabaji some whisky in his plum wine, stole the parking list and put the jello empties in Oshitari's car."  
  
Eiji giggled against Oishi's lips. "Oishi, you are a  _brilliant_  play-maker. Hey, we should celebrate. Want to go out for drinks after work?"  
  
Oishi gave up. "I thought you'd never ask."  
  
.::-~-~-~-~-~.~.~'::'~.~.~-~-~-~-~-::.  
  
Atobe called Tezuka into his office and shut the door. "So, Oishi  _did_  take the bait."  
  
"Did you doubt I could get him to?" asked Tezuka, stepping around the large mahogany desk and settling into Atobe's lap.  
  
"Ah. No. I am completely certain of your abilities," said Atobe, reaching up to stroke the backs of his fingers across Tezuka's cheek, "and your dedication to Atobe Sporting Goods." He cupped his fingers around Tezuka's chin and drew him down for a sweet, lingering kiss. "And to me."  
  
An unmeasured time later, he said "I don't care to punish Oshitari and Gakuto  _too_  harshly, however."  
  
"But you must admit my strategy's working. It's done wonders for sales and general morale, and Oishi and Kikumaru have dealt with their punishments rather well. It's not as though they don't make any sales at all on the Problem Hotline. You have to admit, they're absolutely determined to be top in sales, no matter what, and now Oshitari and Gakuto will be just as determined, too."  
  
"I suppose the sacrifice of my pool was worth it, then." The door opened and closed. "Na, Kabaji?"  
  
Kabaji settled into the chair on the other side of the desk and crossed his legs. "Well, the pool boys are demanding a pay rise, take that as you will."  
  
"Figures. I supposed we'll have to find a way to compensate them." He pinched Tezuka's ass and pried him off his lap. "Think you're up to another challenge?"  
  
Tezuka smirked. "There's no way in  _hell_  I'll lose to you."  
  
~fin~


End file.
